It all started in 2019 when I ended a toxic relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I remember very well: the fear of talking because it made me feel stupid, the constant pressure to be physically perfect, he told me that he had no attraction to me and me who no longer ate. The disease was killing me mentally.
We broke up in June 2019 and in September I found myself doing what I always wanted: the model. I went to an agency in Milan to do casting. The first agency I found was a fake agency, I couldn't take my first steps and I didn't know where to go. Then I found a very serious one near the center of Milan.
I started taking my first steps, ending up in Vogue Japan and teen vogue, I posed for some Italian brands. In February 2020 comes the period of decline: total lockdown due to covid 19. At first, I didn't worry, I thought it would pass maximum in 3 months. I continued to work from home, in lockdown with photographers working via FaceTime, in my room, or in various areas of my house. I met famous people, I ended up in American magazines standing inside my bedroom.
After a month I had taken 4 kilos, and all I did was eat because of boredom. I mainly ate homemade. I ate because of boredom, because of sadness, I didn't know what else to do. Although I had gained weight, I was still normal. At the end of the lockdown, after three and a half months, without playing sports, without having food control I had gained 17 kg.
I was too curvy for fashion, I was too curvy to fit into my clothes. My agency pointed out to me that I had to lose weight, that I had to lose weight fast. I preferred myself, I preferred to be happy, I preferred to have fun with my friends, because life is only one, life is beautiful and no matter what size we have of clothes, no matter if we are tall, short, thin or curvy, everyone has something special that makes this world unique.
I like myself and my new boyfriend really likes me too. Don’t make the mistake of feeling wrong just because someone tells you, work on yourself if you think it’s the right thing, otherwise love yourself as you are. Because hey, you're okay like that and you're making it! Simply live and enjoy your life. Now I have a boyfriend and my own company. I work in fashion alone and I don't need someone to tell me I'm okay. And do you need someone to tell you you’re ok?
Photographer/Retoucher: Lorenzo Basile
Female Model/Makeup Artist: Giulia Degan